For Teresa

Not just a lame 1980 Horror Movie

I became distracted on my way home from work tonight. Before long I felt compelled to do a little photography. Below are some of the fruits of my labor presented in chronolgoical order. Basically I felt like painting with light.










































I hope you enjoyed this little presentation.

Cryptozoolgoical Picture

Below is a rare image of BOTH my sisters engaging in manual labor. This picture is not doctored in any way. It is 100% real. You have to believe your eyes.

The Past Weekend

Mr. Wentworth came over to Boone this weekend. So it turned out to be a pretty good weekend. I took some pictures to remember the events that Bill's presence triggered.

First of all, I have completed the next picture to be hung in Salon 908. Below is a picture of the picture that will replace "Last, Loveliest Smile".




This picture is an enlargement of a picture that Teresa commissioned me to do for her living room. I have named my color flower pictures the "Earth's Laughter Series", but I did not have a name for black and white flower pictures. Until now. The full title of the picture is "Happiness Shared - #01".

The title comes from the old adage: "Happiness held is the seed. Happiness shared is the flower."

On Sunday we went to Cold Stone Creamery. I found out Bill is somebody that hates seeing people have a good time at their job. Usually I find that the people that fit into this category hate the job that they have. Bill seems to fit into that category as well. So when we got back to Boone I took a picture of Bill.





Bill complained that I didn't give him a chance to get ready before I took his picture. I told him that I wasn't interested in posed pictures. I was interested in pictures of people how they are. A pretentious person might call that candid photography. A pretentious street photographer might call it guerilla photographer. I just call it capture what "is".

Willy decided not to ride to and fro with us. The weather was warm and he was ready to get on his motorbike.






The second picture was taken from Jay's automobile. It turns out that being on a motorbike doesn't automatically make you look cooler. But check out those sexy legs. Ladies.

Some time last week Jay Janson went a milking. There is video tape evidence of Jay's encounter with an utter, but I have yet to lay my hands upon it. Jay did bring me the coolest memento from his adventure.





I could really go for a Boyd's malt right now. One of my fondest memories as a child was returning the milk bottles to Boyd's because I got to put the bottles on a conveyor belt. I've always been fond of conveyor belts.

Then on Monday while I was on my break I encountered this fellow.





I have also seen the groundhog that lives behind the building within which I toil 4 times so far this year. I only saw him twice all of last year.

Then despite all of these good things that put me in good humor I came upon something that reminded me that while Spring brings much good to the world it also bring pure unadulterated evil back to Boone.





I have worked in Ames and lived in Boone going on 10 years now. There has been one constant in that experience. The ability of co-workers to constantly deride Boone as being a backward, hick, racist town.

I point to the myriad of good things there are about Boone.

They point to the Speedway.

I don't have a rebuttal.

They win.

Stupid Speedway

Some Signs of Spring

Here are some signs of spring.






I took these pictures this morning on my way to the garage to go to work.

Invisible Children

I went to the Union last night to check out this documentary. It is about the night commuters of Uganda. I first heard of this tragedy when Third Day played a video about these children at their concert I attended last February.

Children fllee their homes at night and congregate together in public places to protect themselves from being kidnapped and forced to fight in a civil war. This documentary is 55 minutes long so I don't anticipate many people watching it, but I would urge you to give it a chance. It is very compelling.

If you want more information about this particular atrocity, you can visit the "Invisible Children" website.

Invisible Children

I Liked This Joke Too . . .

A couple had two little boys, ages eight and ten, who were excessively mischievous.

The two were always getting into trouble and their parents could be confident that if any mischief occurred in their town, their two young sons were involved in some capacity. The parents were at their wit's end as to what to do about their sons' behavior.

The parents had heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children in the past, so they contacted him, and he agreed to give it his best shot. He asked to see the boys individually, so the eight-year-old was sent to meet with him first. The clergyman sat the boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"

The boy made no response, so the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?"

Again the boy made no attempt to answer, so the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face, "WHERE IS GOD?"

At that, the boy bolted from the room, ran directly home, and slammed himself in his closet. His older brother followed him into the closet and said, "What happened?"

The younger brother replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time. God is missing and they think we did it!"

A Morality Tale - Well That is a Bit of a Reach

So I subscribe to the Comedy Central Joke of the Day. It is a wretchedly run service that often repeats the same joke up to 5 days in a row on occasion. Even when they send out a new joke it often isn't funny. This is the joke of the day from this date. It isn't particularly funny, but it reminds of some of the people of have dealt with professionally and what they thought was necessary to be a successful boss.

Who Runs the Body?

In the human body, which organ is in charge?

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in charge.

The brain said: "I should be in charge, because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."

"I should be in charge," said the heart, "because I pump the blood and circulate oxygen all over the body, so without me you'd all waste away."

"I should be in charge," said the stomach, "because I process food and give all of you energy."

"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "because I'm responsible for waste removal."

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, and the blood was toxic. Eventually the other organs gave in. They all agreed that the rectum should be the boss.

The moral of the story?

You don't have to be smart or important to be in charge... just an *sshole.

Something Out of Nothing

I went on a brief sojourn to Minnesota this past weekend. I had some pretty ambitious plans for a photo montage, but that fell through. So I put this little thing together to make me feel better about me.

The Drink

"This beer tastes like dog rectum. Jay let me pour you a glass and see how you like it."

"Dog rectum. Indeed! Pour me a glass and I shall decide the truth of this matter."

"Glug, glug, glug!"

"Ugh! Not so good!"

"Ha! Ha! I take joy from your suffering!!!"

The End

Also, I'm putting together a little NCAA tournament pool. I have already sent an e-mail out to everybody I know that likes basketball. If I missed you and you would like to enter, let me know. There is nothing on the line but pride. I say nothing only to bait the foolish people that think that pride is nothing.

Reflection on the Last Few Days (Part IV)

So we are to the denouement.

Let me say a little prayer.

"God, please let there be people out there that are reading this that know the definition of the term denouement because they have bothered to learn the English language and not because they were sitting around stoned watching "Clerks" last night. Amen."

"Reflections on the Last Few Days" has what literati might consider a nonlinear time line.

Let me say another prayer.

"God, please let there be people out there that are reading this that know that Quentin Tarantino didn't invent the nonlinear timeline in the movie "Pulp Fiction", which isn't even the first movie he made with a nonlinear timeline. Amen."

So even though I concluded Part III with my Lenten Study Group on Tuesday night, I am going to move back in time to Tuesday's lunch. To begin though, we are going to move a week further back then that.

I believe that it was a Wednesday at work. I went to Jesse's office. Steve was sitting in there. I believe there was some kind of discussion about a particularly nasty customer. Jesse bribed Steve into calling this unhappy customer in exchange for buying him lunch on the morrow. Steve accepted the deal.

What Steve failed to realize is that the deal was struck under false pretenses. Jesse was not going to buy him lunch on the morrow. Nay! Jesse was going to be in the town known as "Mason" on a sales call. Therefore this lunch was rescheduled for an undetermined date in the future.

This worked out for me perfectly. You see Steve is the "Personal Climatologist" that I have yammered about in some of the past few entries. I had also bartered a deal with Steve. He agreed to watch the movie "An Inconvenient Truth" and give me his perspective on the movie. Although Steve's day job is supporting the pre-eminent practice management software in the business, he has a degree from Iowa State University in meteorology. That makes Steve my go to guy in matters of Climatology.

He would be my go to guy in matters of weather, but frankly discussions about the weather couldn't bore me more. In fact, if you ever catch me discussing the weather with you I probably find you to be an epically boring person and in reality I'm just counting down the seconds in my head until I can escape your presence.

Let me introduce you to Steve real quick. He is somewhere in the picture below. I hope you can find him.

Steve has a background in studying this type of thing, so I am interested in his opinion. Way more than the person who tells me "I don't need to see this movie to know it is all lies if Al Gore is in it. You know he thinks he invented the internet." I'm not a fan of Al Gore, but it should be pointed out that of the many lies that he may have told in his life, he never claimed to have invented the internet. He only indicated that he supported legislation that helped create the modern internet. His congressional record bears that out. He did support and introduce legislation that helped create the modern internet. If you are going to hate a guy, hate him for things he actually did. Like evicting poor people out of the slums he owned after refusing to do the minimal repairs that were required to make their rental property livable. There is plenty of reason to hate this guy, why just make stuff up when the facts are already so good.

I'm also more interested in Steve's opinion than the opinion of the guy at the office cooler that makes the "global warming joke" every time the weather gets cold. The underlying meaning of the joke being global warming doesn't exist. The truth of the matter is that global warming is a fact. That debate is over. The only people still in denial are the people from the movie "Jesus Camp" and a couple of guys on talk radio. The only debate left for thinking humans is what effect humans have on global warming.

Honestly though that isn't the reason I hate that joke. I hate that joke because it isn't funny. It wasn't funny the first time I heard it. It still isn't funny the 1,000^th time that I've heard it. I put it almost on par with my most hated joke of all-time.

You go to a party. There are a couple of people there that let their alcohol handle them more than they handle their alcohol. The words "Fruity beer!" might escape their inebriated lips on occasion. In this state their equilibrium is not working to its full capacity. They teeter a bit. Their fruity beer escapes the confines of their red solo cup.

From across the room some dolt with a severely underdeveloped sense of humor yells, "Hey! That's alcohol abuse!"

The dolt looks at his kiss up chorus. They roll in laughter. High fives are dispensed. Jocularity ensues.

This incident repeats itself 10-15 more times during this party. The result is always the same.

I can understand why this joke is borderline amusing when you are 16 and have just swiped one of the old man's cans of Milwaukee's Best out of the bait fridge in the garage for the first time. The 16 year old me might have begrudgingly given such a quipster a smirk for their comedic attempt. What I don't understand is why this mouth breathing simpleton is still amused by the same bit 20 years later. I know I sometimes will do the same bit while trying to work a new crowd into joviality, but how can the same joke be funny to these people over and over and over and over and over again.

I'm sure the answer is cultural. I have never been part of this culture. I've never been inclined to utter a "whoo!" when a musician on stage merely mentioned a type of alcohol. I've never lost my humanity to the point where I came little more than Pavlov's dog by the mere mention of something that has been advertised to me since the crib, to the point where it was no longer a choice but a cultural norm. The type of cultural norm that makes people laugh at the same joke the millionth time they have heard it. These people are no longer humans, just automatons waiting for somebody to ring their bell. Thankfully I will always remain outside this culture.

I did enjoy a recent episode of the Colbert Report where Stephen used that "thank you global warming for this blizzard joke" on Jon Stewart. Jon Stewart pointed out that global warming is about climate change and not about the weather on a certain day. The rest of the interaction went like thus:

"I don't believe in that."

"You don't believe in climate change?"

"No, I don't believe in climate. There is no such thing as a climate. There is only today's weather."

Well played Mr. Colbert. I can only dream about being able to mock that lame global warming joke as well as you did. I salute you sir!

However, bad jokes and funny jokes aren't why we are gathered here. Steve finally watched the movie and was ready for his evaluation. So I give it to you. From the mouth of my Personal Climatologist.

The first thing he pointed out was that the movie is really hard to watch because half the movie is an advertisement for the greatness of Al Gore. I can't speak for everybody, but I certainly didn't watch this movie to watch 45 minutes on the swellness of Al Gore. This movie takes great pains to make you think that Al Gore is just an ordinary guy. A victim of the political climate. They go to the farm where he "grew up". They talk about his son getting hit by a car. They talk about how his family stopped growing tobacco because a friend of theirs died of lung cancer. Great. All compelling stuff, if 50% of it was true and I cared. I don't want to see a movie about Al Gore. I want to see Al Gore's movie on global warming.

The good part is that the global warming part of the movie is interesting. It goes by quickly, but is all too often interrupted by shots of Al Gore walking through airport security just like an ordinary guy.

The fact that the filmmakers decided to concentrate so much of the movie on Al Gore the human will actually hurt the message of the movie about global warming. My friend who won't even consider watching a movie with Al Gore in it certainly isn't going to be impressed by the scientific information because he has been so soured on the rest of the movie. Perhaps that guy couldn't be reached. What other people will the "Al Gore – Great Guy" section of the movie prevent from seeing it?

One of the people I met at the Oscar Party is an Earth Science teacher at Ames High. I asked him what he thought of the Al Gore movie. He said he had two main problems with the movie. First of all, there are no answers for how we can stop global warming in this movie. There are some allusions to the Kyoto Treaty that the United States has yet to ratify and making more fuel efficient cars. That is really it. The other problem is of course the entire "Isn't Al Gore swell?" vignettes in the film.

The science department at Ames High had a meeting to discuss whether or not to show this movie to their students. They decided not to. They have chosen not to because although there is plenty of science to teach in the movie, there is too much political pro Al Gore stuff in the movie. That part is too political. Because of that part of the movie, less people will see the movie. Less people will get the global warming information that is theoretically the reason why this movie was made.

Let me get to Steve's scientific commentary. According to Steve the science in the movie is sound. The facts and figures are accurate. The predictions might not be so accurate. Here are Steve's complaints.

#1. The movie spends tons and tons and tons of time talking about increased carbon dioxide levels in the atmosphere. The movie doesn't even mentio the number one greenhouse gas in causing global warming: water vapor.

#2. The movie makes the case that there aren't any scientists that disagree with Al Gore's assessment that humans are the primary cause of global warming. Off the top of his head Steve can name two climatologists from M.I.T. that disagree the tenet that humans are the cause of global warming.

#3. The movie doesn't mention one of the main causes for global warming. It is a cause that humans have zero control over. The temperature of the sun is also going up. The sun's temperature naturally fluctuates. It won't keep going up. It will eventually balance out and come back down.

#4. Most things in nature are balanced. It isn't really the Earth that is in danger. If the polar ice caps melt and shut down the ocean currents, it might cause an ice age. The Earth will balance itself out temperature wise. Humans on the other hand might be screwed. The sooner we die out, the sooner we can start becoming fossil fuel for whatever follows us.

#5. The movie doesn't really come up with many solutions. If you accept that carbon dioxide produced by humans and human inventions has caused global warming, then the biggest problem facing the human race is overpopulation. Does anybody out there have a quick solution for overpopulation?

That is the analysis that Steve provided me. Take it for what its worth.

The End

It is safe to say that nothing really worth reporting has happened to me since that Tuesday. At least nothing that I will report. I might write a little bit about the movie "Amazing Grace", but I think it is time to call it a night. I'm heading up to Minnesota tomorrow morning to see Jordis Unga in concert. So perhaps there will be some writings about that in the future. Perhaps there will be a picture montage. Perhaps.

Reflections on the Last Few Days (Part III)

I have had difficulty in getting back in my mode to finish up this mostly uninteresting tale. It has been over a week since most of this stuff has transpired. My memory of the events may be more than a little bit foggy. I'll do my best recollect these events because in the last few weeks I have received the following comments to my face:

"See. I really do read your blog."

"Kelly thought your commentary about Jay was spot on."

"I can't wait to hear about your lunch with Bill W."

"I didn't say 'let's go get a salad'!"

I'm not entirely sure that I've been able to get back into my mode. Once I'm out of my mode I can't force myself back. All I can do is create conditions that are conducive to getting my mode back into effect. So I'm listening to a little Otis Redding and I'm typing away. If that doesn't help me get back to my mode, it might be gone forever.

I believe the last time I took keyboard in hand in a creative direction I had just concluded my Oscar analysis. The Oscar analysis that moved people so much that not a single person decided to offer an opinion on what the most tragic ending to the movie "Blood Diamond" would be. This can mean only one of a few things.

#1. Nobody actually made it to the bottom of Part II.

#2. After getting to the end of Part II everybody was so emotionally exhausted that they couldn't bring themselves to offer an opinion to a simple multiple choice question.

#3. Nobody thinks that what happens with conflict diamonds is tragic. Perhaps the real tragedy in their minds is that not enough innocents are murdered and enslaved.

I don't know. I'll just accept that despite the claims of some to the contrary, these writings exist in a vacuum.

I'll just get back to the business of this writing, which is to weave the tale of my existence and recent exploits. Although, I'm sure there is somebody out there with a dictionary right now claiming that the events that have passed through my experience lately can hardly be considered exploits. More than anything they are a monument to a culture of consumerism and an attitude of narcissism. Except for making soap, that was certainly an accomplishment. Eating shrimp at the Oscar party was also an accomplishment. I'm telling you, these things were massive.

We left the formal Oscar party and made our way back to Jen and Derrick's homestead. I believe we reached their front door pretty close to midnight. I entered the living room to see Jen's first completed project from her stained glass class. She had made a stepping stone. I knew that this was the first project and I was always a little bit suspicious. How do you make something for stepping on out of stained glass?

She brought it up from the basement where it had been curing. Curiously this was the second time this weekend I had heard about something being left in the basement to cure. This time I did not see an activity known as "catproofing" though.

It was pretty amazing. I'm a stained glass man from way back and I was impressed. The stained glass was placed in concrete. The design was a butterfly. This is a particularly difficult design because it is symmetrical. This meant that for every piece of glass that Jen cut she had to also cut an identical piece for the opposite side. She did an amazing job. I am eager for the future stained glass night where we make our own coasters. Although I confess not being sure that I am up to the challenge.

There was one other curious thing about this stepping stone. The concrete was extremely smooth. Maybe I'm impressed by strange things, but there isn't a trick to making the concrete turn out so smooth. You don't sand it. That is the way it hardens. It is naturally that smooth.

I went home and crashed, not anticipating much of consequence to transpire on the following day.

I woke up on Monday and headed into the computer mine. My only hope was to make it through yet another day of arduous labor without developing the dreaded Silicon Lung. Jesse approached me and delivered some good news. Bill W. would be joining us for lunch.

Let me stop and make a point here. I'm not calling this man Bill W. because that is his name. I do not wish to be forthcoming with his actual identity because I might in my haste of writing this thing, blurt out some private information. You see Bill W. had stopped in Ames on his way home from the Twin Cities where he had a date with a lady friend. I will be coy with his true identity because he may or not be on the prowl with this lady. There is a nearly infinitesimally small chance that she might happen upon this blog and read some of the things I'm about to put down about Bill W. and his attempts to make this date something a little bit more substantial. I don't want to kill Bill W.'s game. Not that I think that is a likely outcome. I just want to hedge my bets. For that reason my friend will remain unidentified and I will refer to them by the name Bill W. as homage to the man who founded Alcoholics Anonymous.

My subscriber from Mankato was most interested in this bit of the tale. I'm not going to go into much detail about the lunch. There isn't much to tell. He came to the mine. We went to Hickory Park with Jesse and Willy. We asked him questions about his weekend. Some details I won't recount. There is one detail that I wish to recount. It is actually a question of strategy.

Bill W. is a fan of bored* games. So is his lady friend. While he was visiting her they played a series of games. In fact they played a best of 13 series. When he told me this fact I was quite shocked. I didn't know they had made 13 different bored games. Off the top of my head all I can name is Trivial Pursuit, Sorry, Life, Chess, Monopoly, Candyland, and Sammy the White House Mouse. I have heard the beginnings of descriptions of other games. However, usually about 2 words out of the other person's mouth I'm sound asleep. I might not have the best survival instincts, but my instincts for avoiding a boring night are as sharp as the sting of a whip.

Now I'm going to throw up a red flag. I am about to get into some territory that if you don't know me very well could be described as sexist. It might not be in the next paragraph, but it will be there soon enough. You will know it when you get to it.

Bill W. claims that when they got to the climax of the evening AKA the rubber match, he threw the contest so that his lady friend came out as the winner. Let us not dwell on the veracity of his statement. Let us merely question whether or not that this was correct strategy. At this point we are going to have to talk in generalizations. I concede that all people are individuals. So my next question should be viewed at the aggregate level.

I also need to make the following distinction. My question is related to competitions where men and women are able to compete on an equal plane. Not in activities where men have to make a concerted effort to make the competition close. Of course, I'm talking about activities like basketball, naming the starting third baseman of the 1984 National League Champion San Diego Padres, driving, or mathematics.

My question is simply: Did Bill W. make the wise move? Was it savvy? Should he have let his female friend win the deciding game or should he have won?

This is a question that when it has been discussed in a few of my social circles has gotten some spirited debate and wildly varying answers. If you got an opinion please weigh in.

I understand that this is a small part of the "game", but I'm curious if people think this piece of the game was well played or muffed.

After the meal Bill W. went on his merry way and I returned to work. The rest of Monday passed without incident until my bowling league.

You may remember that from past writings that I have clearly established myself as the worst bowler in the league. Despite my efforts to scuttle the team we arrived at the alley on Monday as the 1^st Place team in the Pioneer League. We were matching up with a team that possessed the moniker "Giant Killers". Before the game began one of their representatives ambled over to our table and told us to "Note the name. We're called the Giant Killers for a reason."

Even though this bravado was laughable, I figured out that there team name wasn't derived from climbing a story involving the climbing of a beanstalk or taking down a Philistine. However, he insisted on continuing to allow words to escape from his mouth.

"We always beat first place teams."

Great. Don't really care. Take zero pride in my bowling and I'm not here to win any trophies. I just want to hang out with the guys at my table. We bowled pretty well. They didn't. This meant halfway through the second game they quit. Yeah, they finished the games physically, but mentally and emotionally they were beat. They spent most of their time complaining about how throw a couple members of our team throw the ball. Well Mike is in his 60s. Jim is in his 50s. They aren't going to throw the ball like somebody in their 20s. One of their team members took to throwing the ball as slowly as he could. I was leery about joining this league at the beginning of the year because of my limited bowling aptitude, but I have to say that this was the first unpleasant experience I have had all year.

I always have to shower when I get home from the bowling alley. I can not tolerate smelling like an ashtray. It always makes me want to vomit. It is the same way I feel every time the announcers point out that Michael Taylor has broken Dedric Willoughby's consecutive games with a 3 pointer streak. At least I can wash the cigarette smoke smell off.

This tale is almost completed. I only need to cover my lunch with my Private Climatologist and his analysis of "An Inconvenient Truth", but that will wait until the exciting conclusion of this tale in Part IV.

I will just wrap up this section of the tale with a small discussion of the Lenten Study Group I've joined on Tuesday nights. I was a little bit leery of joining this group because my previous experiences with Bible Study groups hadn't been super swell. However, this is really the first time that I've joined a group at my own church strangely enough.

I was a bit worried because when I walked in to the room I was the youngest person in the room by 10 years. However, I'm really glad I went because our Associate Pastor Andrea said something that really helped me re-order some things in my head. What she said I'll leave for a discussion at a later time. If you are really interested e-mail me and I'll let you know.

I enjoyed myself enough that I've decided to continue going. Tonight we went 30 minutes over because of a heated discussion of the meaning of the term "citizen of heaven" in the Philippians verse we were discussing.

So I'll leave it at that for now.

To Be Continued . . . .

* In the haste to get what I've got to say out there by any mean necessary I frequently stumble with words, grammar, and homonyms. I assure you 100% that the misspelling of board games by spelling it as bored games was 100% on purpose. In other words, I hate me some board games.

More Satisfying

This picture is more satisfying for me, but not quite there yet.

Lost My Mode

So I lost my mode on Friday and haven't been able to get it back. I know there are those of you who are sitting on the edge of your seats waiting for Part III of Reflections on the Last Few Days. I just haven't been able to get into my mode and I don't want to just throw up some schlock just to get something up. Perhaps later this evening something will come to me. I just want to take this time to clarify something about the previous blog. I did get one angry phone call from a person who felt that they were not properly characterized. So I would like to clarify this point for this person. Jay feels that I have characterized him as a two dimensional person. Just a man with a healthy affection for the female mammaries. He does not deny that this is a correct facet of his being. He would just like it pointed out that he is also against cancer. So I'm taking up some time to point out that Jay is against cancer.

I'm also just going to throw this out there at you. I missed the eclipse on Saturday night, but I did get out to enjoy tonight's full moon. Below is some photographic evidence of that enjoyment.






I'm not entirely satisfied with this image, so I might just have to go out there and get another one.

Reflection on the Last Few Days (Part II)

All false male bravura aside, the ride home from work today SUCKED!!! I can't emphasize this point nearly enough. You could underline that word about 4 more times and the point still wouldn't quite be made. I think visibility at times was a negative number. My sister asked me how many cars were in the ditch. The honest response to this question is that I don't know. I couldn't see the ditch.

So we are to Sunday. Church services were canceled. I can not ever remember a time when my church canceled services. So I sat on the couch being bored most of the day. I called Jen and Derrick to see if the Oscar party was still a go. I was concerned because I had an appointment with Kelly to get my hair cut and dyed black. This was a fairly radical move for somebody like me. I have never dyed my hair before. Dyeing your hair is one of those things on my checklist of things that "real" men don't do. I have white hairs in my goatee and I accept that. I won't dye my hair to get rid of them. I have earned every last one of those white hairs and I'm not about to cover that fact up. However, with the Oscar Party coming I held a meeting with myself about what in fact real men do. A motion was put forth and passed. An addendum has been placed on my list. Instead of reading that real men don't dye their hair it reads that real men don't highlight their hair. I was going to dye my hair.

This is a slight aside. I honestly don't have a real strong list of things that real men do and don't do. This led me into the following conversation with a co-worker.

"Hey man. You see Durant last night. He went off for like 37 points."

"I didn't see any basketball last night."

"What did you do?"

"I went to see a movie."

"Oh yeah, what flick?"

At this point it would have been helpful if I would have went to see some mindless blow 'em up. I could have lied, but I told the truth.

"The Queen."

"Haven't heard of it, but it sounds pretty gay."

"Well if I explain it, it is going to sound pretty gay."

"What's it about?"

"It is about the royal family's reaction to Princess Di's death."

"Yep. Pretty gay."

OR

There are also times that I like to wear a pink Iowa State hat. When you buy this hat a portion of the money goes to aid research on the prevention of breast cancer. My sister gave me the hat for Christmas. I wear it because I'm proud to have contributed in some small form to preventing this disease. Jessica, one of the people that worked with Olivia, is a breast cancer survivor. (I heard great news about Jessica this weekend that makes me very happy, but I can't share it at this time.) A lady from Teresa's office is currently going for treatment for breast cancer. I don't think it is an emasculating thing to show support for this cause. In fact my friend Jay, who is a boob man from way back, would argue that it is a very masculine thing to show your support for breasts in any way, shape, form or manner.

The problem isn't usually the cause. The problem is the color. I don't have a favorite color. I also don't have a least favorite color. If you think about it, color does not really exist. It is an illusion of light and it is silly to have a favorite illusion. If I am forced to pick a favorite illusion, I pick social mobility.

I don't see colors as being masculine or feminine. I see that certain colors have certain purposes. Those purposes are usually to conflict or accent another color. So one of the reasons I can feel no guilt about wearing such a hat is that it goes with a few of the shirts I own.

I'm not what you would call a particularly superstitious person. I can see how you can make the case that luck is the residue of design. However, the statement that you "make your own luck" is absurd outside of whatever residuals you get from your design. I understand that there are an infinite amount of factors that determine the outcome of every single incident. Anybody that believes that they can control an infinite amount of factors to make their own luck is not only deluding them self, they are encroaching on God Complex territory. I advise such a person to study a little bit of string theory for god's sake. I mean for their sake, not for the real God.

I bring this up simply because Iowa State is currently undefeated when I wear this hat to Hilton Coliseum to see their forays into basketball. The men are 3-0. The women are 1-0. Do I believe that my choice of cap has any effect on the outcome of these games? I know that it doesn't. Yet in the back of my head, I know that there are an infinite amount of variables deciding the outcome of everything. So what do I truly believe? See what hat I'm wearing this Saturday when Steve Alford's dad comes to Hilton.

The point of this whole pink hat interlude is also that I had the following interaction with a co-worker.

"What's the deal with the hat?"

"It covers my head."

"It looks pretty gay."

"It looks pretty."

"GAY!!"

"What's your problem with my hat? I don't bust your chops whenever you come in here dressed like a lumberjack to answer the phone."

"Actually you do. (truth be known I do) Why are you wearing that hat?"

"I swear we just went over this, to cover my head."

"Why that hat?"

"They give it to you when you donate money for breast cancer prevention."

"It's pink."

"Pink is the breast cancer awareness color."

"Why are you wearing it?"

"This is a cause I'm proud to support."

"I think it is pretty gay."

"Do you root for cancer? Most people root for the person. You must be the one person that roots for the cancer."

"Let's get lunch."

It is because of this type of mentality that I do have a few things that I think that real men do and don't do. I'll keep that list to myself for the time being, except to say that real men don't highlight their hair. Also real men don't eat boneless wings.

Before I got slightly askew of the point, I was pointing out that if there was no Oscar Party, I sure as heck wasn't getting an unnecessary haircut and my hair dyed. Even with everything potentially on hold, the dyeing of my hair had raised a few questions. Not really a few questions. One question.

Why?

The answer is simply, I felt like it. It was a one time thing. I wanted to try it while I still have money on the table. That window of opportunity isn't going to be around for much longer.

So I initially talked to Derrick. He didn't know. I told him that I had a haircut at 3 pm and if it was canceled before 3 pm to let me know before I went through with this whole hair management debacle.

Then I sat and I waited. At about 2:30 my phone rang. Party canceled. I called Kelly and canceled. 35 minutes later the phone rang. The party is back on. Now I'm in a pickle with my hair. I give Kelly a call back. She doesn't know if she can do it now. There is a childcare issue. She'll call me back.

Then I sat and waited.

The phone rings again. We're back on. I meet her up at Salon 908. Now if you don't know where Salon 908 is, it is around the corner from Belluci's, the second greatest pizza joint to ever grace these United States of America. I know some of my most loyal subscribers have not had the good fortune to reside in the confines of Boone, Iowa. I know some of you have escaped to your greener pastures.

Let me tell you about the Boone Snow Removal Crew. They don't play with a full deck. If it is a full deck then it is a pinochle deck and the game is Parcheesi. That's card talk, which I honestly don't know if it makes any sense. Let me put it this way. They only have one oar in the water.

What they like to do is take all of the snow and put it in the middle of the road. You might be saying, "so what?" The problem is that they do this in the intersections as well. Which means that quite frequently you come to an intersection that you can't cross because there is a pile of snow about 7 feet tall looking you straight in your mug and laughing at you. You have to make turns you don't want to make while you are looking for the exit to this labyrinth. I swear to God that out of the corner of my eye I saw Jack Nicholson holding an ax frozen to death at the corner of 7^th and Story.

I did finally make it to the salon and the rest is history. There was a moment in the treatment where we realized that we forgot to dye my eyebrows. Good thing Kelly caught that or I might look more sideshow freak than swashbuckling debonair.

This would be a good point to thank the people that agreed to donate money to the American Cancer Society though me via this event. Thank you very much to Jesse and Stephanie. It was very much appreciated.

When I finally got to Jen and Derrick's street it looked like a war zone. There were trees down everywhere. It was by the worst looking street I've seen through this most recent set of storms. There is an old lady that lives in the corner house next to theirs. I would use the term elderly, but the term ancient seems more apropos. This lady loves to snow blow. Earlier that day one of their neighbors witnessed her snow blowing. A branch above her cracked and came screaming down towards the Earth. It landed not much more than six feet behind the old lady. She never heard it. She never noticed it. She just kept on blowing snow.

I had learned via e-mail that Jen was planning as going to the party as Audrey Hepburn's character Holly Golightly from the movie "Breakfast at Tiffany's". I had learned from Shannon on Saturday that on Friday night Jen and Derrick had an Audrey Hepburn marathon. I also learned that absent from the movies they had chosen were "Roman Holiday", "My Fair Lady", and "Sabrina". I was going to let these glaring omissions slide, but I got there and my mouth ran away with me.

"No Roman Holiday. Come ON!!!"

In the back of my head I heard a conglomeration of many of the "real men" I've known over the years point out that what I had just uttered was "pretty gay".

I shot back, "No! What is pretty gay is eating boneless wings!"

Jen had managed to pretty much nail Holly Golightly. I would offer photographic evidence of this and my black do and Derrick's own debonair style, but I didn't bring a camera to this event. Maybe some day I'll get some of their pictures and post them. Maybe someday Willy and Jesse will actually square off in a real peanut butter cup eating free-for-all. Maybe some day somebody will defeat the longest reigning Log Champion of the World in human history.

I don't want to overanalyze the party. I mean, what kind of guy analyzes a party. It is either off the hook or it isn't. That is all you need to know. If you would have called this party all you would have heard is: "The party you are trying to reach is busy. For 95 cents you can hang up and we will call you when your party is available."

Something that just popped into my head, I have problems remember which side of the number the cents symbol is supposed to go on. I used to work with this German girl named Tabea. Every time I would ask that question she would roll her eyes and denigrate the American educational system. I always got her back by slamming David Hasselhoff though. U.S.A! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!

What I do care to analyze is the Oscars themselves. Yet, I will not broach the subject of "An Inconvenient Truth" winning for Best Documentary. Okay, I will broach it, but I will not dwell on it very long.

I knew this movie was going to win. This is a category that has pretty much gone downhill since Michael Moore started passing propaganda off as documentary. I was only able to see two of the nominees this year. The other one being "Jesus Camp" which is a merciless hack job on Evangelical Christians. That is fine. I think that they probably deserve it. It certainly isn't my brand of Christianity. These are people that are teaching their children that there is no such thing as Global Warming. They are teaching their kids Creation Science. They are teaching their kids that the world is only 13,000 years old. They are teaching their children hatred for homosexuals, nonchristians, and Christians that practice differently than they do. These people substitute ignorance for faith and try to claim that it is the same thing. It isn't. Hiding from science and history doesn't make your faith stronger. It makes your faith a sham. It deserves to be shown up. These people deserve to be exposed. However, to do so isn't a documentary. It is propaganda.

If you want to see a great documentary I would strongly recommend "March of Penguins". However, my first and strongest love would be "Born into Brothels". It is an absolutely amazing movie. It is my top ten favorite movies of all time. It is a shining example of what a documentary can and should be. If you haven't seen this movie I recommend you check it out. If you are the type of person that I have access to and you are interested in seeing it, I will loan it to you. I like it that much. It is simply one of the most hauntingly beautiful movies that I have ever seen.

I wasn't born yesterday. I understand that all documentaries are told from a perspective, but movies like the work of Michael Moore where they just flat out lie or "Jesus Camp" where they use music so perfectly to make you understand that what is going on is just wrong, moves past a perspective and into the realm of propaganda.

By the way, if you are interested in seeing "Jesus Camp" I can hook you up on that one as well.

As far as I can tell "An Inconvenient Truth" deserved to win Best Documentary. It is certainly better than "Jesus Camp". It isn't over the top in the propaganda department. In fact, the propaganda has really nothing to do with the Global Warming part of the movie. The propaganda is in how the filmmakers try to sell you on the greatness of Al Gore. Ironically, that part of the movie is going to hurt getting the message of the movie out. However, I'll talk about that in an entire blog dedicated to my lunch with my Personal Climatologist at an undetermined point in the future.

My major complaint is that Melissa Etheridge won an Oscar for her song from "An Inconvenient Truth". Whether or not the song is a piece of garbage I won't debate. Personally I think the song is kind of catchy. My problem is that this song is really only used in the credits. I am a firm believer that the song that wins the Oscar should be important in developing the story line as well as being a great song.

Now if I was just going to pick my favorite song it would have been "Patience" from "Dreamgirls". Although it is my favorite song it isn't instrumental in the movie. That song would be "Listen", also from "Dreamgirls". It is a great song and it comes at the climax of the movie, when Dina is finally able to summon enough personal strength to leave her husband.

I would just take a little bit of time to point out that there is one thing that I have to take exception with in the movie "Dreamgirls". Jamie Foxx's character is based on Berry Gordy. The movie intimates that Berry Gordy had no taste in making movies. Berry Gordy no taste in making movies? Are you kidding me?

We're talking about the man that would produce the 1980s martial arts epic "Berry Gordy's The Last Dragon". I will refresh your memory if you have forgotten this classic of the American cinema.

The movie focused on a young martial artist living in Harlem by the name of Bruce Leroy. His adversary is the Shogun of Harlem, Sho' Nuff. Right there, that is all you need to know about the greatness of this movie.

But back to other categories that annoyed me. Quite frankly there weren't that many. One that stands out is "The Danish Poet" winning for best animated short. I sat through this 15 minute cure for insomnia. Trust me, I can take a slow moving movie. You are reading the writings of the largest Stanley Kubrick fan you probably know. "The Danish Poet" is only 15 minutes long!! It feels like 90. At the end, the payoff is nothing special.

I personally would have chosen "The Maestro". I'll grant you that the ending is somewhat predictable, but I'm impressed with their dedication to their theme. Moving the camera angle every second to be consistent with the gears of clock was rather ingenious in my mind.

"Pan's Labyrinth" didn't win for Best Foreign Language Picture. This was the biggest joke of the night. Not only should it have won for Best Foreign Language Picture, it should have won for Best Picture. The fact that it wasn't nominated for Best Picture is the fault of the film's makers. They didn't put it up for Best Picture.

I can't really dispute any of the winners in the 6 major categories.

Best Supporting Actress – Jennifer Hudson from "Dreamgirls"

This is who I wanted to win. This is shocking because the only thing that I knew about her going into the theater that night was that she was from American Idol. I have a little math equation I do in my head that helps me when confronted with situations that involve American Idol. It goes something like this:

American Idol = Garbage

Jennifer Hudson is the first time that my little cognitive shortcut has failed me. Jennifer Hudson blew me away. She is undoubtedly the first decent thing to come from that entertainment wasteland. I'll give some props to it spawning "Cyclone Idol" where Stephanie has been robbed people who were looking for "mass appeal and quality".

Best Supporting Actor – Alan Arkin from "Little Miss Sunshine"

I was okay with this choice. His character is complicated and entertaining. He gives the most important speech in the movie when he is in the hotel room with Olive and he tells her what a real loser is. Plus an underrated sequence in that movie is the sequence where he tells his son that he is proud of him. Underplayed beautifully.

My first choice would have been Djimon Honsou for "Blood Diamond". His portrayal of a father searching a civil war torn country for his son that has been turned into a soldier is a great.

I also would have been pleased with Eddie Murphy winning for "Dreamgirls".

Best Actress – Helen Mirren for "The Queen"

This category is almost an afterthought. That is how good she is in this movie.

Best Actor – Forest Whitaker for "The Last King of Scotland"

This category is also almost an afterthought. Forest Whitaker is amazing as the charismatic, sociopath Idi Amin. There was some belief that Peter O'Toole might win this category. If he would have, it would have been more of a lifetime achievement award than anything else. Kind of like . . .

Best Director – Martin Scorsese for "The Departed"

I can't really argue with this choice. "The Departed" is a pretty good movie. It isn't one of Scorsese's best movies. Not by a long shot. I know there was a big groundswell of support to finally get him an Oscar. To be honest there are worse things in the world than not winning an Oscar. The two greatest directors in history (Kubrick and Hitchcock) have zero Oscars between them. The problem is that the Academy made huge mistakes in at least 3 other years. If they need to get an Oscar for Scorsese so bad, they should call up John G. Avildsen up and ask him to return his Oscar for "Rocky". "Rocky" is a great movie, but that year Scorsese should have went home with the Oscar for "Taxi Driver". Then call up Robert Redford and ask him to bring in his Oscar for "Ordinary People". Once again, "Ordinary People" is a great movie, but that year Scorsese release "Raging Bull" which is hands down the best movie in a decade that was fairly devoid of great movies. "Berry Gordy's That Last Dragon" is an obvious exception. Finally, they should call up Kevin Costner and ask him to return his Oscar for "Dances with Wolves". Undoubtedly "Dances with Wolves" is one of the worst movies to ever win for Best Picture (right next to "Annie Hall"). Scorsese also deserved the win that year for "Goodfellas". That is a movie that changed the way I hear "Layla" forever.

In the end history will record that Scorsese won an Oscar for Best Director. However, when movie critics survey his body of work, the movie he won for won't be near the top. It will be an interesting story. What did Scorsese have to do to win an Oscar? Remake a Japanese movie and set it in Boston. That is the ultimate irony. A man who will always be affiliated with New York City finally won the big prize by taking a movie to Boston.

Scorsese was a good choice, but I would have preferred Clint Eastwood. What he did by telling both sides of the battle of Iwo Jima was much more ambitious than taking a Japanese movie and throwing Boston accents and swear words on it. I know though that there is no way that Eastwood would win a third Oscar while Scorsese has zero.

Best Picture – The Departed

Honestly I wasn't that crazy about this year's crop of nominees. I would rank them in the following order bottom to top.

Babel – Interesting, but not great. I think the core message about this movie is that if you are an American, everything will turn out just fine and dandy for you. But if you are from the developing world, you are screwed. I do like the concept of following a story of how one event can affect the lives of so many people around the world. It is that string theory that I love so much.

The Queen – Entertaining. It managed to make me feel sympathy for people that I hold in complete disdain. I went to see this movie with Derrick and Jen. Derrick came out of the movie thinking that royalty was the greatest thing since sliced bread. Although I felt bad for they went through, it reinforced to me how British royalty is a completely archaic institution and the sooner it is ended, the better. If you have an opinion on this let me know. I am interested in other's peoples opinions on how this movie made them feel about the British royals.

Letters from Iwo Jima – As a companion to "Flags of Our Fathers" this movie wasn't I was expecting. I left "Flags of Our Fathers" with lots of respect for the Japanese on Iwo Jima. "Letters from Iwo Jima" kind of destroyed that respect for me on some level. They were completely unorganized. Nobody followed orders. At the first sign of trouble everybody wanted to commit suicide.

The Departed – Funny and entertaining. Very well acted. A bit gratuitous in the language and violence at times, but it is a gangster movie. To expect anything else would be lying to yourself.

Little Miss Sunshine – The first words that came out of my mouth when I left the theater after seeing this movie was "best road trip movie ever made." I stand by that now. You all know that I'm a big fan of the road trip. I'm also a huge fan of road trip movies, with the obvious exception of "Roadtrip" which sucks. The only road trip movies I would put it up against are "Sullivan's Travels" and "It Happened One Night". Plus this movie had my favorite scene of the year. The scene where the pageant lady asks Greg Kinnear what his daughter is doing on stage.

He turns to her and says: "Kicking ass. That is what she is doing." Kicking ass is also what this movie does.

I won't complain about "The Departed" winning. Comedies don't win very often.

There were a couple of events that actually transpired that I would like to share. First and foremost, Jen won the prize for being the Best Dressed Female".

Secondly, we decided to have "A Clockwork Orange" Party. I shouldn't say party. I will say "A Clockwork Orange" Night. The gleaming centerpiece of the evening will be a viewing of the Stanley Kubrick classic "A Clockwork Orange". This is going to transpire because Derrick made the bold proclamation that "Dr. Strangelove" is the greatest Stanley Kubrick movie. I will not dispute the fact that it is probably the best comedy ever made. But for sure I would have to rank "A Clockwork Orange" as the better Kubrick movie. I'm also going to rank "Paths of Glory" above it. I would have to give considerable thought to where "The Shining", "Full Metal Jacket", and "2001: A Space Odyssey" rank. I'm not disputing the greatness of "Dr. Strangelove", just its place in the Kubrick pantheon. This dispute led to this Night of A Clockwork Orange, but you just can't watch a movie. You have to have themed food. So if anybody out there has a great "orange" based recipe and would be willing to part with it, throw it my way. It would be much appreciated.

I feel that you might think that Derrick and I just aren't compatible. He is always running off his mouth and I always have to regulate him. It isn't just Derrick, though. While we were discussing Melissa Etheridge Derrick asked the no-brainer question of the year. If Crosby, Stills, and Nash were giving a concert right next to Neil Young and Crazy Horse and you could only go to one, which one would you go to? What is the speed of light? Faster than that, that is how long it would take me to go see Neil Young. Jen is a hard case though. She actually stuck up for Crosby, Stills, and Nash. What are you going to do?

The third thing that transpired at the Oscar Party was yet another debate between Derrick and me. I won't disclose who had what opinion, because I would like to get some feedback from other people. This debate is centered on the movie "Blood Diamond".

The thing to remember about diamonds is that they aren't rare. Not even a little bit. They have no real intrinsic value. Their value is artificially inflated by a company that owns almost all the diamonds in the world. This company buys up all the diamonds and puts most of them in a vault so that they can artificially raise their value.

Many diamonds come from countries like Sierra Leone where people are enslaved and murdered so these specks of carbon can be sold in malls all over these great United States. Allegedly this company does not buy diamonds from countries that are involved in war. However, the organization that oversees the diamond industry was founded by this very same company that owns almost all the world's diamonds.

Here is the question I would like you to answer:

In the movie "Blood Diamond" people are murdered and enslaved in pursuit of one particularly large diamond. What do you think would make a more tragic ending?

The diamond ends up in a vault and never sees the market.

OR

The diamond ends up in an American jewelry shop where some spoiled American purchases it because of the way it looks and never realizes how many people suffered and died so they could wear that sparkly piece of carbon around.

If you are interested in seeing "Blood Diamond" before weighing in on this question, I can hook you up as well.

Well, I better call it a night, but this story will continue. I need to discuss a stained glass stepping stone, my lunch with Bill, bowling, and my lunch with my personal climatologist still.

Reflections on the Last Few Days (Part I)

I may have alluded to having a pretty great weekend in an earlier blog. Although it might have been a bit of bragging on my part, I have always been a big fan of the moral philosopher Jay Hanna Dean (AKA Jerome Herman Dean) who argued that "It ain't bragging if you can back it up." So I shall try to back it up with the parts that were great.

I might as well start out with the major failure from my weekend. Friday was the last day of employment for James at DM. I had all intentions of going in to congratulate him and pop some bubbly. I did not make my goal. As you can see by the image below though, it was the only goal that I failed to fulfill this past weekend. However, I do apologize James and I do congratulate you James. If you are the interested, James has accepted a position in Nevada as a CNA.

Although that was the major failure of my weekend, it would not be the first. I was given the proverbial "shaft" on two separate occasions. The first was the deepest and most savage cut.

I left the friendly confines of my place of employment on Friday night looking forward to the good natured camaraderie that is Friday Night Supper Club. I was slightly concerned because as I hit US30 I had yet to hear from the founder and president of Friday Night Supper Club. I usually get this call from Willy's pseudonym Lone Wolf Dinner Reservations by 5 pm. I decided I couldn't wait any longer for the call and I gave a little ring-a-ding-ding to Jay to inquire about this evening's dining situation. Jay's response hit me like a bucket of cold water in the face.

"Willy isn't coming! He went to go see some steroid jockeys talk about God. You want to go get a salad?"

Two things instantly occurred to me. First, I'm going to name my upcoming spoken word album "Steroid Jockeys". Second, Willy is in the process of abdicating his throne. This is something that will need to be addressed at the forthcoming Friday Night Supper Club.

So Jay and I went to The Colorado Grill. I was so disturbed by the absence of Willy that I knew I would have to take my dining experience up a notch. I normally get the Black Diamond Pita sandwich because the sauce that comes with it is absolutely extraordinary. There are times that I also take down a breaded pork tenderloin. The pork tenderloin is one of my all-time favorite sandwiches and will hopefully be the impetus for a forthcoming roadtrip to Hamlin, Iowa to a restaurant that serves what legend claims is "The State's Best Pork Tenderloin". I was going to need beef. So I ordered a sirloin sandwich, medium rare. Just how the gods like their steak cooked.

Somewhere in the middle of the meal my phone rang. I looked at Jay and said "I'm about to do something extremely hypocritical." Then I answered the phone.

The reason that this is hypocritical is because I have with the help of Scott taught the rules of basic phone etiquette to a certain Mr. Ungs recently. He had a nasty habit of answering his phone when he was out to eat with other people. A habit that is insanely rude. A rule that I will no doubt have to teach Jesse in the near future as well.

Stephanie was on the phone. She was offering to donate her tips from Friday and Saturday night to the American Cancer Society Fundraiser that I was intending on attending on Sunday. I accepted the offer and thanked her. What a nice person!

The rest of the night went by without incident. I went to bed early to ready myself for what was supposed to be a busy Saturday.

I had made the following plans: I needed to go to Hobby Lobby to purchase a can of matte sealer and some mat board. I was scheduled to go to visit Shannon and learn how to make lye soap. Then I was going to go to Des Moines with my eldest sister Teresa to conclude my Oscar Party pre-work by seeing "Notes on a Scandal" at the Fleur Cinema and dine on the tasty goodness that is Hu Hot. Then I was to head to The Colorado Grill to celebrate Shorty's 70^th Birthday.

Most of these plans fell through. For starters, Teresa had been hinting all week that if the weather was bad she wouldn't want to drive down to Des Moines. I told her that she was a coward and I was ashamed of being related to somebody that would let weather dictate their life. She relented and "agreed" to go. Then on Saturday she calls me in the morning to tell me that she can't go because she has been to the doctor's and she has "Strep Throat". Strep Throat. That is a made up ailment if I have ever heard of one. On par with Countchoculitis.

I hadn't gotten off the phone with her for more than an hour when my phone rang again. This time it was Doris (Shorty's wife) telling me that she was and I quote "uninviting me" to Shorty's birthday shindig. The roads were just too bad.

I still needed my stuff from Hobby Lobby. So I did what any "real" man does when the weather is bad. He gets in his car and goes to Hobby Lobby. After all I was out of matte sealer and I need to come up with a new picture for Salon 908. "Last, Loveliest Smile" is nearing the end of its 6 week engagement. I'm thinking about using a B&W flower picture from my sister's bathroom redecoration project as the next one to go on display. I don't know if I will be able to get this past the sole proprietor of Salon 908. Kelly possesses a longstanding disdain for B&W photography. This one could take a little bit of the Mayor Goldie's magic touch. If he sides with me. He might side with his wife.

I also heard from my Ogden Agent, Monica, this week. With her shrewd negotiating skills she has found a home for some of my pictures in "Everlasting's". So I need to make some product for this exciting new outlet. Since this is a flower shop, I'll probably stick with flower pictures. I don't anticipate selling much there, but you never know. Allegedly people have inquired about buying "Last, Loveliest Smile" and it isn't even for sell.

So I hopped in the car and headed to Ames. I'm telling you people, the roads weren't that bad. You could easily do 35-40. The only danger was swerving around the person going in the ditch in front of you, but after a couple of times of that it almost becomes second nature.

Hobby Lobby. I don't know why, but it seems like every time I go there I forget about there incredibly slow service. It always seems a surprise to me that I wait in line for 10 minutes when there is only two people ahead of me in line. I always stand in line asking myself the same question: "Do I really need this thing that bad?" Although I almost always tough it out, it never ceases to amaze me that as I am walking out the door, the "other" Hobby Lobby employee resurfaces and opens up another cash register.

Despite yet another painful experience at Hobby Lobby, I swore to not let it ruin my day. If my sister faking an illness and being uninvited from a birthday party weren't going to ruin my day, neither would waiting in line for 15 minutes to by 1 can and 2 matboards.

I headed to the nearest Salvation Army to look for cheap used frames. I don't usually find much at these places, but on this day I left with a 16 x 20 frame that I can paint and use to house the next Salon 908 image.

I made my way across an ice skating rink that I swore was a parking lot last week and called Shannon. ="">

"Still making soap?"

For the first time all day, somebody wasn't letting the weather dictate to them what it was they were supposed to be doing. The Little White Lye Soap Company. I believe it was this company that Herodotus was thinking about when he penned this line: "these are stayed neither by snow nor rain nor heat nor darkness from accomplishing their appointed course with all speed".

So I learned how to and got to take a small part in the making of the latest batch of Little White Lye Soap. So next time you pick up a 6 pack, I might have played a small bit in the making of that soap.

Shannon said that it "wouldn't be very exciting."

She lied. It was exhilarating. It was indescribable. I wish I could tell you all about it. I can't because I signed a "confidentiality agreement". I can't tell you anything that might compromise any of her trade secrets. Sorry.

The rest of Saturday was a wash. The best part of it being that I fell asleep on the couch during the ISU-Kansas game so I didn't have to watch much of it. The worst part of it being that I'm trying to build this computer for Willy for his birthday present, but the thing keeps crashing every time you load Service Pack 2 on to it. It is trying my patience.

This is to be continued at a later time. So I can write extensively and exhaustively about the Oscar results.